The Brave and the Kind: A film by John W. Yost

I’m sitting in the Sarasota Airport at 11AM on a Monday and I really have to wonder what I’m doing here. Four days ago I arrived here confident in the direction of my life, this film, my ideas, etc…

Now I’m not so sure.

The festival itself was fine. They tried really hard to make a program with variety and quality. They treated me well and we shared some laughs. Ethan’s family were wonderful. They welcomed me with open arms, made me feel like part of their family, and showed me a wonderful time in a wonderful city. I want to thank them a million times over for a great weekend.

The problem is not with the festival, or Sarasota…The problem is with me. For some reason I just completely gave up after the TBTK screening on Saturday. Perhaps it was the small crowd, perhaps it’s the fact that besides Donnacha no one seems to read this fucking conversation anyway…so what’s the fucking point? This Indie Film thing seems to be a one sided conversation…a “Let me tell you all about me…but fuck what you’re doing” kind of thing. It’s not a community…it’s a shark tank. Now on the flip side…I met some great people at the fest; friends of Ethan that also welcomed me with open arms. AND the positive thing here is to say…”well…5 new people saw the film…so that’s good.” And it IS good to meet new people and have them see the film…even if it is a handful at a time. My question is…How long can you stay positive? How long can you survive on silver linings before you start to question why?

The other question besides who cares is why bother? If you make work that never reaches anyone…is it worth doing? Can I sustain myself on pure self satisfaction? How long does that feed your soul till you just want to go build something solid like a house, or do something that puts some real good back into the world.

How long to you fool yourself into thinking what you’re doing matters at all?

Well? Let me know what you think…if anyone is even reading this. If I don’t start hearing from people…I’m shutting it down…and move on to better things.

John

So I had a little hiccup in response to this conversation…apologies to Donnacha and those reading. I’ve been working on the new film and have just been swamped.

BUT

Donnacha I think brings up a good point about authorship. The questions I want to ask are: Is your identity at the whim of your authorship? Is there a relationship between them? Can we give up our personal stories? Can we make stories that may have our essence stamped into them, but not always about us? Can we make them on the cheap? At what point are we done with personal discovery when making films? Are we ever finished? Read more >>

I think that the absolute main reason why we “fringe filmmakers” should be making the most personal works is that we have the freedom. It’s as simple as that. We are free from financial expectations and also free from critical expectations of what our films should be. It is our right, hell our responsibility, to be as honest as possible, to really follow our hearts and instincts. This may not always lead us to the best results, but they certainly lead us to the most interesting outcomes. Read more >>

What a great experience Maine International Film Festival has been. I wasn’t there for TBTK, but Motion Portrait Film was excepted into their shorts program. It was wonderful. Great venue, great staff, great town. Waterville was amazing. I want to thank the entire staff for making this a place to see ground-breaking work in such a wonderful setting. Filmmakers…send in you work for next year…asap. Read more >>

And for the 4 people that read this blog…I’m sorry… Mom, I’m sorry for the delay in posts.

It’s been a good two weeks and the rough cut is now done and delivered to the powers that be. Time to celebrate and think about the future. Test screenings, final color timings, and sound mixes. But for now, it’s just me and the film. Me and…me, basically. I’m very happy with the progress so far, but spending everyday face to face with my family and our issues can sometimes have a burning-out effect. Another thing that has a burning out effect…reading every blog, from every blogger in independent film, and debating whether or not Indie film is dead. It’s time to stop humping the dead horse and move on. Some people say film is not an art of the 21st century. I disagree. The way we access the art of film now is a 20th century thing. Lets find a 21st century way of enjoying, distributing, and making the art of film…don’t give up so quickly.

Cheers,
John